lipsticksavior (lipsticksavior) wrote,

Getting easier

I have not smoked for sixteen days. The last few have been a LOT easier. It's not so hard to get through the times when I'm stressed out or when I'd usually be smoking.

I've been making a big effort to get back to lipstick. When I don't get dolled up and put on lip rouge I notice I don't feel as good about myself. I have also noticed that there are some very subtle voices in my head encouraging me to just be a schlub. Why? Because I'm not going to get the look right and I'll be perceived as a pathetic loser and a poseur.

I take the safe route because, well, it's safe.

On Sunday the 14th of March, I realized just how my self-esteem was suffering when a part of one of my teeth chipped off. I was flossing what I thought was a popcorn hull out of my back tooth. I thought "Wow, that's a big chunk of something." Nope, it was a chunk of my tooth.

It didn't hurt. It was just a divot out of the side of my tooth. I actually thought about ignoring it because it would probably cost a lot to fix it. I honestly considered not telling Scott about it.

Then, when I went to the dentist the next day and I found out how much is was going to cost for the crown, I wondered if I could tell my dentist to just pull it.

Who has these thoughts? Who else in the world thinks about removing body parts because they're not worth the money it would take to fix?

It turns out that I made the right decision in going in. The tooth in question has a big, old filling in it. The tooth around has discolored and the enamel is cracked. If I'd not gotten it crowned, it would have just cracked apart and left me with just roots. And maybe exposed nerves. Dry socket. All that good stuff.

Sigh, when I am I ever going to get a handle on this? When am I going to stop giving myself all these shoves?

This is so remarkably frustrating!

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